I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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