I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
