Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
