Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
