hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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