Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
