tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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