please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
