i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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