I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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