honey bunches of taint.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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