Your dad touched me again.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
