Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
