My room smells like vodka and shame
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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