just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
