Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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