Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
