FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
