Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
