What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
