She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I cannot find my penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
