She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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