I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
