I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
