I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
