So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm really busy with my period
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