He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
