There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
