Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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