If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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