I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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