Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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