3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
