well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
