R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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