My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
