How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
