We won't sleep together?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
