Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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