Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
