i don't like sucking hair
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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