Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We need to get me chipped asap
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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