Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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