I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
