Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i love accidental penises.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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