Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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