remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
