She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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