Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We named our party play list daddy issues
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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