I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
