Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
