just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
