I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And then my night got REAL pukey
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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