Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
